This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
