I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
