How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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