i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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