Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
