Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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