I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
