You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
