i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
