he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
