i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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