my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
