My room smells like vodka and shame
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
