I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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