I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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