I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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