im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
