There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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