I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
