He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
