Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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