no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
