So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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