apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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