I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize