How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
