Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
