my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
