I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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