I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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