you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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