i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
