2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
