I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
