erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
