Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
