I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize