.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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