WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
