you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
