I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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