I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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