Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
