tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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