i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
