this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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