Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
