Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
