i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I want her autograph on my taint
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize