Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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