you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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