K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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