Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
