I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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