I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
